Attention all fabulous single women: Did you know that this Feb. 14th you have three choices for how to spend your day? According to Success Coach Saundra Pelletier, author of “Saddle Up Your Own White Horse: 5 Principles Every Woman Needs to Know,” the choice you pick can affect your whole year, and even your entire life. Here, Pelletier shares her expert advice on how to BYOBB (Be Your Own Best Boyfriend) this Valentine’s Day.

In your book, you explain that women are either acting as a victim, a flatliner, or a deliberate creator. Can you explain these terms and tell us how such behavioral patterns could play out for single women on Valentine’s Day?
Absolutely. As Valentine’s Day approaches, you know you’re a victim if in early February, you start thinking about Feb. 14th and what you are not going to have: no man, no present, no romantic dinner, no flowers, no chocolates-boo-hoo-hoo…and you tell everyone who will listen. Oh, you might blame your mom for your situation because she never found a good man, thus she never set a good example for you of the perfect role model couple; or you hang your head, droop your shoulders, and have a big dramatic sigh, followed by the words, “I am just a jerk magnet;” or, worst case scenario, you go out on V night, get intoxicated and have a one-night-stand living in the fantasy of love-is-in-the-air and that you will find “the one” that night.

And a flatliner?
First, flatliners are living plain vanilla when they really want a swirl with lots of toppings in the frozen yogurt store of life; they just don’t like self-serve yogurt stores, or making things happen. Flatliners are one step up from victims. They have an “it’s not great but good enough,” “don’t-rock-the-boat” status quo approach to life and, though they seem more empowered at first glance, they can be just as miserable as victims.

On Valentine’s Day, flatliners might tell themselves that men are intimidated by their strength and well, what can they do? Flatliners will lie to themselves and say, “I have plenty of male friends in my life so I don’t really need a mate.” Flatliners will flirt with their friend’s husbands, boyfriends, and their bosses all to prove that “any man would want me.” In an attempt to show their power, flatliners will go out and have a one night stand, actually giving their power away, as they think, “Men can have sex just for sex, why can’t women?” Answer: Because that’s not what you really want, sister, and you know it deep down inside.

We saved the best choice for last, being a deliberate creator. What do those single women do on Feb. 14th?
A deliberate creator makes things happen for herself, independent of what others are doing (or not doing). She sends or buys herself fabulous flowers on Valentine’s Day. She makes dinner reservations at one of her favorite restaurants and goes with the women friends who she knows she going to have great conversation with. Or she hosts a Singles’ Valentine’s Potluck where each guest must bring a single male friend that other women might like. A deliberate creator buys Valentine’s cards for the people she loves most and gives her best girlfriends a box of chocolates. A deliberate creator could also maximize the opportunity of Valentine’s Day to reveal that she has a secret crush on someone, sending a playful note that says, “Roses are Red, Violets are Blue,Who Has a Crush on YOU?”

You believe the most attractive women are both sexy and spiritual, but how do we accomplish being both?
Choose the five most important roles in your life—maybe it’s business woman, mother, friend, partner, volunteer. Write those roles down on a piece of paper and make columns under each role for “sexy” and “spiritual.” Then list examples of how you can demonstrate both qualities for each role you play in life.

For example, as a businesswoman you dress the part to look attractive demonstrating your appeal—that’s being sexy, valuing your feminine appeal. As a businesswoman who’s practicing her spirituality, maybe you do some pro-bono work for a client you believe in or take some time to set aside your boss-employee relationship and encourage an employee to keep trying and not give up when she loses her motivation or makes a mistake. When you put the sexy in spiritual, people will respond positively to you far more often, no matter what role you’re playing. Women who consistently practice what I call the “Double S” will enjoy every day immensely. And guess what, men always want to be with a woman having loads of fun!

~Jill Daniel

Photo Credits: iStockPhonto.com